Rambling on Western Etiquette culture from the perspective of a diplomat who has worked and studied in Italy for more than 20 years

First, cultural differences determine the way individuals think and do things.As we all know, there are considerable differences in people’s ways of treating people and thinking in different countries, and people’s common way of thinking and behavior will also affect etiquette culture in a short time. As for the reason, I think it is more due to cultural differences that determine people’s values and moral standards. The differences are all the more stark because of long-standing cultural differences. Personally, I think it can be compared from the following aspects.

(1) Personal sense of honor and modesty and prudence. Westerners worship individual struggle and are especially proud of individual achievements. They never hide their self-confidence, sense of honor, and euphoria after achievement.

(2) Egotism and selfless dedication. Westerners have a strong sense of self-centeredness and independence, mainly manifested in: 1. They are responsible for themselves. In the law of the jungle society, everyone’s way of living and quality of life depends on their own ability, therefore, everyone must struggle, put personal interests first; 2. Not used to caring about others, helping others, and not asking about others’ affairs. Because of these two points, offering to help others or accepting help from others is often an embarrassment in the West. Accepting help only proves incompetence, while offering to help others is seen as interfering in someone’s personal affairs.

(3) The spirit of innovation and the golden mean. Western culture encourages people to be creative and do something extraordinary that has never been done before.

(4) Individual freedom and solidarity and cooperation. Westerners cherish personal freedom very much. They like to do as they please, go alone and do not want to be restricted.

Social culture influences etiquette and customs.

(I) The influence of different social customs on etiquette: In Western countries such as Europe and America, respect for women is their traditional custom, and ladies first is one of the principles of communication in Western countries. No matter what kind of public place, men should take care of women. For example, when shaking hands, women should extend their hands first, then men can follow. At dinner, the man should first let the woman sit down, the woman order first, enter the door, the woman first; When getting on or off the elevator, always leave the woman in front.

(II) Influence of differences in hierarchy on etiquette: In Western countries, except for a few countries such as Britain, which have hereditary aristocracy and rigid hierarchy, most western countries advocate the concept of equality. Advocating equality for all, few people are proud of their prominent family background, and few people are ashamed of their poor origin, because they know that as long as they work hard, they are sure to succeed. In the family, Italians do not speak of hierarchy, as long as each other respect, parents and children can be on a first-name basis. They tend to have weak family values and are reluctant to make too many sacrifices for their families.

4. Vastly Different manners and customs.

(1) Different ways of interpersonal communication.

In Western countries, the right to privacy is highly valued. In their eyes, “personal stability” is very broad, including personal status (age, job, income, marriage, children, etc.), political views (which party they support or oppose), religious beliefs (what religion they believe in), and personal behavior trends (where they go, with whom they communicate and write). In interpersonal communication, anything involving personal privacy should not be directly involved. Westerners generally do not want to interfere in other people’s private lives and personal privacy, and do not want to be interfered by others.

While Europe and the United States have many of the same etiquette and customs, but relatively speaking, Europeans are more conservative than Americans, so they pay more attention to etiquette. Behaviors that are considered minor faux pas in the United States (chewing gum, talking with your hands in your pockets, resting your legs casually on furniture, slapping your back, etc.) are considered extreme vices by Europeans. Europeans avoid calling each other by first name and omit last names, and only do so after a long relationship. Some people with degrees and academic titles want you to address them with those titles as a sign of respect. Except in southern and eastern Europe, a handshake is the standard form of greeting, but it is only a gentle touch, never an American handshake where the arms swing up and down, or even the shoulders move.

(2) The difference in dining etiquette.

It is often said that western food is based on emotional appeal, but for many people, emotional appeal is not eaten, but a lot of problems. Dining rules, items are numerous: 1, when sitting, the body should be correct, elbow not on the table, not on foot, and the distance from the table to facilitate the use of tableware is best. Don’t fiddle with the cutlery that has been laid out on the dining table. Fold the napkin in half and place it gently on your lap. 2. When eating with a knife and fork, take a knife and fork from the outside to the inside, hold the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right hand; Use the fork in your left hand to hold down the food. Use the knife in your right hand to saw it into small pieces. Then use the fork to feed it into your mouth. When using a knife, the blade should not point outward. When you put down your knife and fork during the meal, it should be placed in an “eight” shape and placed on the edge of the plate. The blade points toward itself, indicating that it will continue to eat. After each dish, place the knife and fork together on the plate. If it’s a conversation, you can hold a knife and fork without putting it down. When you do not use a knife, you can also use your right hand to hold a fork, but if you need to gesture, you should put down the knife and fork, do not hold a knife or fork in the air shaking, do not hold a knife or fork in one hand, and the other hand with a napkin to wipe your mouth, do not hold a wine glass in one hand, the other hand with a fork to take food. Remember, at no time should you put one end of your knife and fork on the plate and the other on the table. 3, each time to send the entrance of food should not be too much, do not talk when chewing, not to take the initiative to talk with people. 4. Don’t slurp soup, shut up and chew while eating. Don’t smack your lips. If the soup is overheated, it can be eaten after cooling slightly. Do not blow with your mouth. When drinking soup, use the soup spoon to scoop from the inside out. When the soup in the soup plate is almost finished, use the left hand to tilt the outside of the soup plate slightly, and scoop it clean. After eating the soup dish, leave the spoon in the soup plate (bowl) with the spoon handle pointing towards you. 5, eat fish, meat and other dishes with thorns or bones, do not directly spit out, available napkin cover mouth gently spit into the dish. If there is a small amount of food left in the plate, do not scrape the bottom of the plate with a fork, not to mention fingers to help eat, should be eaten with a small piece of bread or fork to help eat. When eating noodles, use a fork to roll up the noodles first, and then into the mouth. 6, bread should be broken into small pieces into the mouth, do not take a whole piece of bread bite. Break bread into small pieces before spreading butter and jam. 7, when eating chicken, Europeans and Americans to chicken breast meat for expensive. Eat chicken legs should be forced to remove the bone, do not use the hand to eat. Do not turn the fish when eating fish, after eating the upper layer with a knife and fork to remove the fish bone and then eat the lower layer, when eating meat, to cut a piece to eat a piece, the block can not be cut too large, or once the meat is cut into pieces. 8. Don’t wear makeup at the dinner table or wipe your nose with a napkin. Burping during meals is a big no-no. In case it happens, apologize immediately to those around you. Do not stand up to take food. Ask someone else to pass the food you cannot reach while sitting down. 9. Don’t Wolf down your food. Do not want to eat food should also put a little on the plate, as a courtesy. The host advised the guest to add food, if there is appetite, adding food is not impolite, on the contrary the host may be proud. 10. Do not leave the table in the middle of the meal. If you need to leave, whisper to the guests around you. When drinking a toast, even if you do not drink, you should also touch the mouth of the cup on the lips to show respect. When someone pours wine for you, simply say “No, thank you!” if you don’t want to. Or with a hand slightly cover the glass, indicating a decline. 11. Do not smoke until the end of the meal when coffee is served. If there are female guests around, they should politely ask “Do you mind?” 12, dinner should talk with around the guests, but should avoid loud laughter. Don’t just talk to a few acquaintances, around the guests if you don’t know, optional self-introduction. Don’t chime in when others are talking. 13. If you are willing to add milk or sugar when drinking coffee, stir well with a small spoon and put the spoon on the cushion of coffee. Drink the cup handle in the right hand, the left hand end cushion dish, drink directly with the mouth, do not use a small spoon spoon to spoon to drink. When eating fruit, do not take the whole fruit to bite, should first use a fruit knife cut into 4 or 6 pieces, then use a knife to remove the skin, the core, with a fork to eat. 14. Don’t unbutton or undress in public while eating. If the host asks the guest to undress, the male guest can take off his coat and put it on the back of the chair. Do not put his coat or his belongings on the dining table.

Western food collocation is also very exquisite. I take Italy, where I worked and studied for more than 20 years.

Bread and pasta: Bread is usually paired with butter. When eating, break the bread into small pieces, spread the butter and eat with your hands. Do not bite into the whole bread. When eating spaghetti, fork and spoon can be used. Use a fork to slowly pick up a small amount (four or five) noodles, and then wrap them around the fork teeth into a group shape. At the same time, spoon can be used to facilitate eating.

Meat and fish: Meat in western food is generally large, whether it is lamb chops, steak or pork chops should be cut into small pieces with a knife and fork, and eat while cutting, do not cut into small pieces at one breath and then eat, do not use a fork to clip the whole piece to the mouth, bite while eating. Chicken or lobster can be eaten by hand. Chicken, quail, and chicken have small leg bones, which can be eaten either by hand or with a fork, but the bones must be taken out of the mouth with your fingers. Western food in the fish have generally gone to the spur, eat very convenient, for a small number of small thorns, the application of hand pinch out on the plate, can not directly into the dish spit.

Salad: Can be used as a first course, but also as a side dish or interval dish. For large vegetables in the salad, use a fork or knife to cut into small pieces (slices). For salad peas, hold a fork in your left hand and a knife in your right, and use the knife to push the peas onto the fork. The American way is simply to scoop it with a fork.

Dessert and fruit: small dessert fork for cakes and pastries, dessert spoon for ice cream and pudding. Many countries serve fruit as a dessert or with dessert, usually as a fruit salad or platter. If the fruit is not processed, it should be used with a knife and fork. The pear or apple can not be peeled whole. The application knife should be cut into four to six pieces, peeled and cored before eating, and the banana should be peeled and then cut into several sections. In the absence of a knife and fork, the stone can be taken out of the mouth by hand, placed on the edge of the fruit plate, can not directly spit on the table.

Coffee and tea: The last “dish” in Western food is coffee and tea. When drinking coffee, you can hold the handle in your right hand and the small saucer in your left hand, or you can just hold the cup and leave the small saucer on the table. After a sip, be sure to put the cup back on the saucer. The teaspoon should only be used for stirring and should be returned to the saucer immediately after use. It should not be used for drinking. Invited to the Italian family guest, if it is a couple to dinner, sit to listen to the host arrangement, must not sit together. Italian rows are a man and a woman, usually separated from the husband and wife. When eating in the host’s home, the traditional way is that the hostess serves food to each guest during the meal. If the guest likes any dish, he can ask the hostess for it. The host will be very happy. When the dish is first served, it is now also allowed to turn the dish in order, turn to whoever is in front of who takes the dish. In this case, the man should be attentive to the woman around him, and ask the woman’s advice before helping the woman.

(3) Pay attention to gift etiquette.

In international communication, people often express their thanks and congratulations by giving gifts to enhance friendship. As customs vary from country to country, the types and ways of gifts vary. For example, Italian people are hospitable. If invited to a friend’s home for dinner, the host is usually the host. The guest should bring some wine and sweets, or bring some souvenirs or flowers to the host. The gift should be wrapped properly, or the host will not be pleased. As a host to accept a gift, should face the gift wrap open, and praise. When giving gifts, you should consider the preferences of the recipient as much as possible. The basic principle of gift-giving is to “give what the recipient likes”. If you do not know each other’s preferences, the safe way is to choose handicrafts with national characteristics, because send others do not have things, the most easy to be accepted by the other side. Gift is not heavy but appropriate, is called “thousands of miles to send goose feather, gift light affection heavy”, sometimes send too expensive gifts but will make the recipient uneasy. The way of giving gifts: The way of giving gifts is generally to face to face. Westerners attach great importance to the packaging of gifts. People in most countries are used to colorful wrapping paper and ribbon, while Western European countries prefer to use light colored wrapping paper. (four) Other etiquette warm tips: 1, invited to the Italian family, to take off your hat and then enter the house, the hat should be placed on the hat rack. Rainy visit, rain gear should be placed outside, do not wear raincoat into the house. When a husband and wife visit another house together, the wife should be the first to rise and leave. You can’t put your wallet on the table, and you can’t put your money on the table, or you’ll be considered uneducated. If the wine bottle is knocked over at the dinner table, the wine should be poured behind the ear root to show good luck. 2, if the 13th is Friday, do not treat, because Italy regards this day as unlucky. In some places and cities in Italy, it is customary not to leave an umbrella open in a room or living room. You can’t wear dark clothes in bed. 3, if it is the host to drive the guests home, must let the guest couple in the female guest sitting next to the driver’s seat, to show respect for the host, do not sit in the back seat of the couple, or it will let the host have a feeling when the driver. 4. When a woman goes to a restaurant with a man, a woman doesn’t have to pull up her chair at the first moment. He may be ready to pull out his chair for you. When sitting in a chair, sit up straight, don’t lean back, look at the other person directly, don’t bend your head to avoid their eyes. The wrist (not the elbow) can rest naturally on the edge of the table. The chair should not be too far away from the table, or eating will increase the chance of body movement. Lightly print your lips with the corner of a napkin before eating to reduce lipstick marks left on the cup. When drinking water and wine, try to fix a position to drink, so as to avoid the entire mouth of the cup cloth lip printing. 5. Don’t talk with food in your mouth, and don’t drink with food in your mouth, as it is impolite to wash food down. Use the corner of the napkin to lightly print a few stains on the corners of the mouth or fingers, but do not wipe vigorously. If you want to leave the table halfway, you can fold the napkin in half twice and neatly put it on the chair. Remember that the soiled side should be dismantled inward, so that no one can see your “decorated” napkin. Putting a used napkin on the table is like putting your faux pas on display. When leaving the table, you can put the napkin on the chair or table, also to turn the clean side outward. 6. If you go to a restaurant and sit at a table with others, you must ask the permission of the guests who arrive first before you can sit down. Otherwise, it is considered rude. In American restaurants, if the napkin wipe knife, fork, plate, the waiter will immediately change a set of tableware, in the waiter’s opinion, the customer wipe tableware is considered to be unclean. 7, Italians take special care of women, men and women, men should walk on the outside, that is, on the side of the road, handmaid more than a sense of security, should let the lady first when walking. Get on the car should let the woman first and open and close the door for the woman, get off the man first and open the door for the woman. A man should offer to help a woman take off her coat when she enters the house in winter or put on her coat when she goes out. 8, in shops and other public places, men should open the door for women, young people should open the door for the elderly. By car and boat, men should take the initiative to give up their seats to women, men and women do not sit together as if nobody else loud noise.